Granny Versus The Sky Q Box

Posted by The Bearkeeper on
Category: Grannyisms53 Comments

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Here at Jammy Toast, we have upgraded our Sky Box from the Sky+ HD to the new and wonderful Sky Q. We finally took the plunge after listening to Idris Elba going on about what the Sky Q box can and can’t do for months. Our major hesitation here at Jammy Toast was just how would Granny get on with the new box – there are several changes from the old boxes. As we all know, Granny doesn’t always get on with things changing and she can be terribly set in her ways – especially where technology is concerned.

The day for the upgrade arrives and a very nice technician calls round to Jammy Toast to install the new equipment. The only problem was that this being in the middle of a pandemic, he is not allowed inside your property; he stands outside the window, with your window wide open, and talks you through the installation of the boxes. Granny takes one look at the technician and asks him how old he is. The rather youthful-looking guy tells Granny he is thirty-nine. “Get out of here,” says Granny, “you only look about twelve!” We haven’t even started and Granny is trying to chat the technician up. To me, he was Sky Technician, but after ten minutes at Jammy Toast Granny is calling him Daniel. Old tricks die hard!

The rest of the installation went smoothly, mostly because Granny didn’t move off the couch. Fast forward a couple of weeks and Granny is telling anyone that will listen that she has now got to grips with the new boxes and it just takes a bit of time to get used to them. It is worth mentioning at this point that with Sky Q, what I record on my box, Granny can see and watch on her box and vice versa.

The other night, I sit down to watch some telly and there wasn’t that much on. I look at what we have recorded and there is an episode of ‘Would I Lie To You?’ the comedy panel show. I press play to watch it and notice that Granny is currently watching the same programme. The programme lasts about half-an-hour and Granny was half-way through it. It is worth noticing these things because if I know Granny has watched it, then once I have watched it, I know it is safe for me to delete it without upsetting Granny.

I chuckle my way through the show and when I have finished, I go to delete it. Immediately the Sky box warns me that Granny is currently watching the programme. I am puzzled. How can Granny still be watching the show if I have watched it in its entirety and she had a fifteen-minute head start on me. I wander through to ask Granny what is occurring and does she need any help with her box. “Do I look stupid?” Granny replies while Mena has collapsed on the floor in a heap, spilling the beans that Granny has had a catastrophe.

Granny has this habit of holding down buttons you are meant to press and release and pressing and releasing buttons you are meant to hold down… or even completely pressing the wrong button because someone has sneakily moved its location when she wasn’t looking. This time she has pressed the TV Source button on the remote and changed the source from Sky to AD. The screen goes blank and she can’t find the source button again to change the setting back to Sky.

Twenty minutes later Granny and Mena decide the only thing left to do – having pressed just about every button on the remote – is to turn the whole thing off and back on again. This restores everything back to the way it was and they start watching the programme from the beginning again because Granny deems it too dangerous to fast-forward to the point she was at before.

This explains why my viewing of the programme had overtaken her viewing.

Next Granny tells me that her box won’t let her delete programmes once she has watched them. She must wait half-an-hour before they will delete. I explain that when she records a programme, the recording starts five minutes before the show starts and ends five minutes after the show finishes. This is a precaution in case the programme starts late or early so you don’t miss the beginning or end of your programme. When the programme finishes you must stop the play-back before you can delete it.

“But the programme had finished, there was just adverts on,” Granny explains.

I tell her that the adverts she is seeing are part of the recording and not from live TV which is why she can’t delete the recording – it is still playing. I can see that one is going to take a little time before Granny gets the hang of it!

I wonder if NASA wants a hand with all these Mars missions they are undertaking right now?

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The Bearkeeper

A sad and lonely old man who used to have a life but it has now been taken over by his dedication to the cause of saving Renault Bears, running Jammy Toast and searching eBay, car boot sales, charity shops, lofts and even under beds for his beloved bears. He has even now taken in Flat Eric to save him from homelessness – his life is no longer his own!


53 Comments on “Granny Versus The Sky Q Box”

  1. If you ever want to get rid of me off here just get one of them “select all images with traffic lights” captcha survey things. I always fail.

  2. Our cleaner at one of our stations was nominated by the Fat Controller for an award after she prevented a lady from taking her own life & spent time with her. Her CEO has visited her at work today & presented her with an award. How wonderful!

  3. OMG, I didn’t realize telling a 39-year-old they look about 12 (like I did today) is chatting someone up! I hope I’m not going to turn into Granny!

  4. Well looks like my long Covid was only medium covid, I’m all better now. Just bounded upstairs like an elderly spring chicken.

    Suggestively winks at Trophy Wife!

  5. It’s 2021 and people are still worried about gay people. Especially men. Calm down Derek even women think you’re a ming with smelly balls, no chance of a gay man bumming you!

  6. I went on that Speke Group the other week and said the best kids grew up on Harefield Road and caused fucking murder. Might go on and say we were better looking too and simply watch the world burn.

  7. Sir David Attenborough says if you’re not dancing with your cat to a Britney Spears megamix then you’re doing Saturday night wrong.

  8. I think no matter how many times you tell Granny how to use the Q box she will say you haven’t shown her correctly or she will blame you for something else. :roflao:

    1. She chatted Daniel up that successfully that he emailed her the manual for the remote and the box… she has not excuses, she should be giving me lessons!!

  9. My PayPal account has been locked due to fraudulent activity. Luckily enough the President of the company has texted me from Nigeria on his personal mobile number.

  10. Nothing quite matches the confusion on my face when I’m asked to cook something tasty for dinner as if charred isn’t tasty!

  11. I’d love to take Dorothy Dumpling over to my human’s plot and show her the love-birds. ET and Red Fred are loving all the time. My Dumpling and I are still at the ‘getting-to-know’ you stage. We’ve come a long way, I’m sure we will be like them one day. Our time will come.

  12. “Christopher Robin!” called Pooh in a loud whisper. “I think the bees SUSPECT something!”
    “What sort of thing?”
    “Something tells me that they’re SUSPICIOUS!”
    “Perhaps they think you’re after their honey?”
    “It may be that. You never can tell with bees.”

  13. Good morning to everyone apart from those just getting out their scratcher, some of us have been at the coal face for over two hours. You lazy no good bastards. Have some dignity.

  14. Another GP on BBC lecturing us to “follow the rules”.

    Which is easy to say when you get a guaranteed fat salary at the end of each month and don’t have to worry about the bills.

    #EndTheLockdown

  15. Rolf report 21 Feb

    I’m getting ready to go for a walk with my American human. He’s scooped me up to saddle me in my hi vis jacket & leash. The look of contentment on my face. I know exactly what’s about to happen & I’m a happy little soul at the prospect.

    Rolf x

  16. As Matt Hancock explains, when you need to act quickly during a pandemic, then obviously you have to hand contracts to Tory donors and friends at vastly inflated prices.

  17. I wish people would leave off Matt Hancock, it’s unfair, every time I’ve been in the middle of a crisis I’ve always thought “how can my friends make a profit from this?”

  18. Right. I’m off to Nanny Auds to pick Knobhead up. We are off the woods so I’m filling a plasterers bucket up with soapy water before I leave. He’s going to need a dunk.

  19. Last day in isolation, Kel comes home tomorrow. Intensely relieved (touch wood) that I did not contract covid in hospital, but this has been an absolutely horrible experience and I am even more frightened of hospitals than I was before.

  20. I had vague plans to go to big Tesco but the cat is requesting cuddles, which is not usual, her requests mostly being for food when she already has food.

  21. I was gonna walk past fuegos and send a snapchat saying I miss your jugs but I’m grown up now and decided to just say it on here instead.

  22. 7 mile walk, 1 attempted bumming, 1 kick off, 1 rescue from a river, numerous muddy puddles waded through, 1 sick in his cage, 1 dunk in the plasterers bucket… fast asleep in front of Nanny Auds gas fire now. If Carlsberg did Sundays…

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